A little About Me 06, 07, 08 to present

I started this blogger probably in 2006 I was afraid to write and I wrote blogs in my Microsoft word and never posted them out of paranoia I don’t know. In addition it's been a difficult place for me I thought writing this would be easy but last year wasn't an easy one for me and well still isn't but I have continued. Late 2006 I was still holding on to my family the Sean man my daughter's father he well is in and out of my life and has been since 2003 and still continues to be that way. 2007 and my babygirl Lexi and I we had left my mother in laws house in late Nov but still celebrated all holidays together as a family. 2007 came and well it was a new start for us he had left the one other female he was dealing with and well was going to dedicate himself to us at least that's what he said and made me believe. Maybe it was all the liquor that night or and funny jacks but I believed him. We had great times for my Lexi’s b-day. Shared family and friend time with Lexi’s god father and his family and everything came along good. We had financial hardships but we made it through. In July 2007 we took our family trip to my island Puerto Rico that I hadn’t been in 9 years. We had so much fun and i really thought we reconnected and got out family together. I have been his best friend and he is mine. No matter how things have gone between us I have always been there for him and I love him unconditionally. He has many flaws but i over see all that because he is a good man and a lot may say I am very dumb and naive but i know one day God will bring him back. Oct 2007 came and he promised me he would give US another chance to see me for who I am and i was so happy. I finally knew this would be my time but again seemed still preoccupied with something or someone else. I am a good woman to him so i understood that we weren't set in stone so I understood and over looked again. Keeping my faith that he would come again. Thanksgiving I spent alone he wanted to take my babygirl with him and his new person while we still are intimate. I haven't been with another man since Aug of 1999. He's been the only one for me but I know he has been with many. Christmas again we spent as a family and then he wanted to go away. 2008 came and he told me he needed time again. I have respected his feelings because I always thought that me showing him respect and allowing him to find himself would be good and he would respect me but not so sure i am being appreciated. Again for Lexi I always tried to help him so that he wouldn't stay on the street or anything and he needed a lot of money to fix some problems h was having with the MVA and his car I lent him the large amount he needed to get what he needed to get and his car back up and running. I was warned by his own mother not to but I didn't listen because it was for us for me and Lexi and him. This was in March 2008. This now brings me to last month April 2008. He asks me to pray for him because he wants to by a condo to be closer to us I prayed and prayed and he got his condo. 2 days before he moves in he reveals to me that there is someone else and that he's not sure what she means but that he wanted to tell me before I heard it from Lexi. I took sometime to think about this and take it in and here’s where I am today. Still trying to deal because we are still together intimate in that way he works with me I see him everyday and we have encounters everyday almost. I recently also found out that maybe that’s not even his condo maybe it’s the new girls place and I don’t know what to do it’s like I am still there he still pulling me in singing love songs to me but yet not committing and being with someone else not solely me and not wanting to stop. Wanting to play house with my babygirl. How do I deal with that? It has been hard. No one knows how I feel I have no one to talk to, I mean I do but I chose not too because this is so embarrassing. I mean I don’t know if there’s anyone else who is in my shoes. A lot may read this and say I am a bad person but no one will know until you are in my situation. I told myself I would never do this if I was in a situation like this because I had a friend that was like this. Her man he kinda left her and had other women but she was always with her. And I said to myself I would never do that but now I’m stuck not knowing what to do. Loving this man the man that fathered my child the man I love and still loving me in ways but not in others. What to do is my question. I will keep writing and I don’t know how this blogger thing works but friends are needed desperately to talk. Thank you and wait for another one tomorrow.